Revalations

I understand what this Blog was supposed to be but I would like to take you down a different road for a bit. I would have been just as content writing these words on a WORD document and letting it sit on my hard drive never to be read. The thing is apparently I don't own any of the programs on this computer.

I took off from work a few hours early for a man to come in and stain our fence. I stopped off at McDonald's and ordered a Big Mac and Fries and a large Diet Coke. I came home waiting for a woman that Natalie said would be coming in around Noon 30 or so. I calmly ate my lunch and decided that I would not watch TV. This is laughable because I jumped online and checked HULU.com and realized the ironic nature of my decision. None-the-less I was looking at the fact that they had movies and saw the movie "SUPER SIZE IT" and decided "what the hell."

By the time I got into the movie Natalie called and said that she needed to go to Jessica's for a favor and would be home a bit later than expected. Something about a draft table. This was 30 minutes into the movie and I realized that I started to get a numb feeling in my stomach. And sure enough my Assistant Calls me telling me that I have to staff a whole new property in 2 weeks. I take care of the issue but trying to stay positive. I called my boss and was cut off and basically told "I know you can do it." These were not his words but I have to reinforce positivity in my own life, even if it is an optimistic way of looking at the world.

The conversation ended and I returned to the movie. I begin to get frustrated and agitated at the fact that the guy who is supposed to be here to stain the fence is no where to be found. I cant tell you how much being late erks me! I am into the movie approximately an hour now and I start feeling depressed and anxiety ridden and have no idea why. I literally go outside stand in the middle of the street and stare aimlessly at an American Flag that stands so proudly at the fore front of our housing development. I pop back to reality and come back into the house to finish the movie. I begin to wonder if the revelations of the movie are making my mind think that my Big Mac actually made me depressed or is it "one of those days."

Two hours later and my stain guy is here. He starts his work and I follow him wanting to know every little thing but my nature being so non-intrusive I stay far enough away that he doesn't feel cramped. After about an hour I realize that I am following this guy around and am doing nothing and its basically a one man job. I return to my living room and turn the tv on. I see a news report about an airplane that crashed into an IRS building in Austin Texas. I wonder if its terroristic and the news reporter quickly says that its not and that the male burnt his house down before he flew his plane into the building. All I could think is why.

A sick curiosity entered my head and wondered if I could find the guy online. The tv news man says that his name is Joe Stack. I immediately look his name up and his website says closed down due to sensitive nature. I go to www.smokinggun.com and find his six page manifesto and start reading. After about 15 minutes I finish reading and realize that the numbness in my stomach is worse and all I keep thinking is why....almost like a depression feeling that starts to wash over me. I'm not sure what the issue is but I decide to take a walk outside and find that after 2 hours of non-stop spraying the guys is done staining the fence.

I walk around the whole yard and even the few lots that surround my house as though I am looking for something. I realize that it all looks good and I return to find this man sweating so profusely that his shirt is literally dripping on the sidewalk. I say "looks good," he says "yeah alot of work," I say "one of those days huh," to which he replies "you have no idea." I have no clue why I said this but I said "yeah I understand," and he looks at me with this look of pure exhaustion and says "no, you have no idea." All I can think is what happened, is he okay, can I help, should I ask, and is it any of my business?

I literally walk back inside and have to get my breathe because I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack. I don't know if its the pressure of work or the fact that I think things through way to much. I return and hand him the check while thanking him for his job well done. It was at this time that I wanted to look back at him one last time...I shake his hand and look right into his eyes and like a million other men whatever was there before when he made the comment "you have no idea" has been buried so that he can accept payment for his day of work.

I walk back into the house and open the back door and see how amazing my fence looks. I start thinking about all that happened today and what I am faced with tomorrow. Its as though I am underwater trying to get a grip to stop from slipping down stream and cant find anything to grab. My mind is firing off a million thoughts like:

Is Natalie okay, and why hasn't she called?
Should I try to get gastric bypass surgery?
Can we afford it?
I need a vacation.
I have no time for vacation.
I hope I don't loose my job.
Am I doing a good job?
Does my team still believe in me?
Do I believe in myself?
Does my boss believe in me?


All within second of each other. Natalie calls at around 7:45pm and I do my best to sound as though nothing is wrong. She hears my voice and I ask to have Subway instead of McDonald's in fear that it might just push me down that much further.

home again, home again, jiggity jig....

So I finally got to go home again this past week. It was so nice to be there. I haven't been there sense Christmas. That's too long! I had a wonderful week with my friends and family. But it wasn't as good as it could have been. I missed David so very much. The hardest part was when it was time to go to bed. I stayed up too late every night because I didn't want to go to bed alone. That was for sure the worst part of going home......But speaking of home....we will both be there very soon together! We will be moving home this summer! David will be moving home at the first of May. He is starting a new job in Allen on May 5th! As exciting as that is.....I won't be home until June 6th! That is a whole month of sleeping alone! A whole month of my crappy job and my stressful days without my husband to lean on once I get home. I think this is going to be the hardest month I have had in a long time. But again, soooooooooooooooooooooooo happy to be moving home!! I went to the Richardson ISD job fair this past Saturday while I was home, and heard some positive news about positions open. Which would be great because RISD is where I worked before! The plans for the next two weeks....PPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! There is so much to do and I know I'll be doing a lot of it alone. Which actually works really well because then I'll know what is in every box! I actually love packing. It's a great way to weed out all the things you really don't need. Then because of this weeding we will be having a garage sale at my dad's house in the middle of June! Yay for extra money! Yay for moving home! Yay for a positive job fair! Yay for Jennifer and Derek having a baby boy! I can't wait until he is born....this was part of the reason I went home....to go to Jenn's shower. Yay to us hopefully buying a house by the end of the year! I am so excited to see what the rest of 2009 has in store for us! New Orleans has been good to us, but now it is time for us to go back to Texas!

And this is what he wrote......

I have actually tried my best to keep away from this post. I understand that I actually pushed Natalie into begining this blog and now I'm shying away from it. Its not so much the Blog itself but this specific post itself. I'm going to talk about an issue I encountered this past week. I have been dealing with an issue that was left for me from a prior person. A completely competent person who can do amazing things has been past over. Now my position is not to say weather what happened was fare or not. My position is I know just how he feels. I myself have been through what he has gone through. I take the kind of person I am perceived to be very personally. This issue broke me in half. This same day I decided to tackle a family issue. To keep my family issues private all I will say is a family member started a phase of his life this past week that only a few American citizens ever have to deal with. As though this ton of metaphoric bricks was not enough another family member told me that she was battling Cancer yet again. You would be suprised at how she tried to comfort me during her time of need. I felt so selfish, self-centered, and childish because I couldnt hold back the tears to show her comfort when she probably needed it the most. During the past few years of being an adult I have learned the power of prayer. I try my best never to ask for much but if you can keep these people in your prayers or even a moment of your thoughts it would be greatly appretiated. Like my mother and father I tend to internalize everything. Some people say that this is not what I should do and let things go. But it is that internalization that makes me who I am. It is my fear of false perception that gives me the urge and will to make what you think of me a better image. In my life I know that can only accomplish what God has planned. But in my mind those limmits are almost invisible.

I am so happy to go home. I get to see my mom and dad. I get to be more near my sister and grandparents. I have the opportunity to begin building a family and hopefully by the grace of God a new home. I get to see old friends and possibly make some new ones. I feel that the goals that I set forth in my career are finally come to light. But with this vision of mine coming to fruishion I refuse to over look or forget the fact that so many people still need help. I am commiting myself in front of all who read this blog to the following life goal:

I want to help as many people as I can. Even if help is in the form of being a friend, a shoulder, an ear, or just a person who is willing to comit a selfless act for random people. I'm not holly'er than though. I'm not good, great, or perfect. I'm flawed, I'm Scared, and I want to be a person who looks back on his life and knows that he tried. When I die I would like for nothing else than to have someone say "I'm proud of him" or "I was proud to know him." There are so many men that I have met that I was proud to know after a casual converation. And I said those words. Perhaps all some people need is a casual conversation to feel complete. I want to commit myself to try this for the rest of my life. I leave thos comments to say this. There is a man by the name of Dale who is a Co-Employee of mine who does not live in Louisiana. He is amazing and just recently has found that he has Cancer. He was given 6 to 9 months to live. I wrote him via a web site his hospital has up. Even if you only take 30 seconds after reading this blog to give him a thought it would mean the world to him. He is battling this Cancer with no family. He has two daughters and an X-wife who are not with him.

All these things have happened in the last week and all I can think about is the fact that I get to go home. Though this should be one of the happiest moments of my life I have to stop and remember that some people are doing it alone. Its hard to sleep when Natalie is not here I cant imagine going through cancer alone. I guess Ill sign off before I start to cry...but thank you for all the well wish's and congratulations that everyone has sent. I will ask one last time in lu of my new found journey to give a moment of prayer and or thought to soemone who may need it more than we do.

I leave you this video that I love to watch. For those whom have never heard the voice of a poet so strong and pointiant you can never feel true power. I write poetry in my mind on a daily basis and perhaps I will one day place a stanza or two...but until then watch the video so that you can hear what he see's through his words...and it will be then that the word Freedom takes on a whole new meaning...enjoy!

So much to write....

So much to talk about and so little time. Okay that’s a lie. I’m off today and have literally watched two soul shaking movies. One was about Franklin Delano Roosevelt and the second was about a man who lost his wife in the war and had no idea how to break the news to his now two motherless daughters. The FDR movie (Warm Springs) simply was a depiction of a man who was relentless in his pursuit of never showing weakness. My grandfather (mothers father) was the kind of man who always pushed all of us to prepare for how hard life can be. During the entire movie I thought “I want to be the kind of man who teaches his family how great life can be.” Is that last thought grossly optimistic?

Like I said, there is so much to talk about. I have a friend who’s life, according to him, is over. His wife picked up and left with his daughter. I have been handing out advise about relationships ending and how to work on the “moving on” period of the break up. I have to say that I almost feel guilty saying anything due to me never having a daughter during any of the life changing break ups I’ve gone through. Okay back to my thought. When I was talking to my friend about his issue I looked over at Noni. I hung up a short time later and asked her, “What would you do if I left you.” Now understand that I’m not thinking negatively but I felt something while he, my friend, was talking. After asking this awful question there was a moment of silence that I thought felt like an eternity. I say this because, I feel that relationships, weather being good or even great need to be challenged. I honestly hope that my friend and his wife can come to a mutual decision that is best for them and their daughter. I also know that the feeling that Noni emitted from her every pour was something I hope I never see again.

Side Note: I re-read this blog before posting and the above paragraph seemed like I was saying that I asked Natalie to break up. Noni is one of the most important people in my life and like my thought about “who will be at my funeral,” I wondered how on earth I would stumble and fall through life without her.

Okay moving on to a lighter subject. This past week I told everyone that I was feeling really sick. Well I found out that I had an infection that was basically ravaged by diabetes. So all in all I was pretty lousy. I had two surgeries in a week to remove the infection. I’m convinced that I was tricked into surgery. I went for a consultation and they put me in the waiting room and then the nurse asks me to go with her to a second room. I walked in and she immediately says “take off your pants.” Yo! Wait, What!? So I do as I’m told and I’m waiting for the little doggie looking muzzle that gives you that happy gas, and oddly enough I see it off in a far corner. Doctor Ramirez walks in and starts pushing and pressing and then says your going to feel a little pinch. I’m thinking okay maybe some pain meds and then I realize that this was going to be one of those “awake” surgeries and, I was in hell for about an hour! Half way through I asked the doctor where he was from and he said “Puerto Rico, why?” I said, “I figured we might want to get to know each other since your all up in my business.” He got a laugh and so did the nurses but my most sincere feeling was “I’m gonna ducky punch the doctor if he keeps cutting on me.” Just as an F-Y-I…..I never did, hit him that is.

After taking off from work for about a week Noni says “lets go find a restaurant.” If you guys only knew how hard it is to get me out of the house. She tries so hard. None-the-less we are on Veterans Blvd. and we find the magic that is “Izzo’s” now it’s almost exactly like Chipotle and or Freebirds. They have three sizes or burrito:

Regular
Super
Illegal

I had an Illegal and was amazed at the enormity that is what New Orleans Calls the “Illegal” burrito. In case you have not seen it I’m going to post it up.

Okay so I apologize for taking so much of your time with this blog but I hope you guys enjoyed. I’m kind of curious as to what Noni has to write. And this is what she wrote………

I'm so obsessed with izzo's! I had it for lunch and dinner on Saturday! I almost want it for dinner tonight also! David's blog is kinda random and talks about several stories...so I thought I would fill in the few holes.

First....oh his day off he watches 2 movies? He is so weird with the things he does when he's all alone! I sleep in, clean the house, do lesson plans, etc...life must be nice to just get to sit on the couch and watch movies on your day off!! :) Though I did get home to him doing laundry. So he did do a bit more than JUST movies.

Second.....when David asked me what I would do if he ever left me the reason for my silence was because in my head I was going "LIKE HELL YOU WILL EVER LEAVE ME!" haha But I didn't want to say that so I was trying to think of something better.....all I could come up with was "well that would suck!" As it really would suck. I am really sad for Joey and his wife, and I do hope that they come to some place where they are happy in their lives again.

Next....I have noticed that David uses the word surgery quite loosely. When I hear the word surgery I think something bad. Not to say that what happened wasn't bad. It was pretty bad. I know that the best way to describe what happened is by using the word surgery. What really happened is that he had a very painful bump on his leg, and he went to the doctor to have him check it out. The doctor took him into another room, gave him some numbing shots (which I know from my wreck and the problem with my foot that they don't work as quickly or as much as you would ever want them to), and then cut his leg open. On a table, in the doctors office, and with some shots. The doctor tried to work the mass out, but it was too attached to the important things in his leg. So the doctor put some packing in his leg with some medicine on it, gave him some prescriptions and sent him on his way. He has had to go back 3 times since then, and the doctor repacked his leg 2 of those 3 times. The last time finally the doctor said that it was small enough and well enough that he didn't need any more packing. So he is doing fine now. Yes he had "surgery" but not the kind of surgery you think of when you think of the word "surgery."

....on a side note...I did have to change the bandage twice a day every since the first doctor trip, and have become a very good nurse. But the poor guy has been in some serious pain! I'm so very grateful that he is better now, and that he/we found it as quickly as he/we did.

Lastly....a ducky punch is when you put your hand together to make it look like the beak of a duck and then "peck" for lack of a better word at the person you are mad at. If you know anything about mine and David's relationship then you know that we have a special bond with ducks, and that they have come in and out of our relationship often. :)

My husband the inventor

David cracks me up! I know that he tells me things most of the time to make me laugh. During these times....most of the things he tells me are not the truth. So when he does try to tell me the truth in the same settings it's hard for me to believe what he really is saying.

With all that being said....apparently my husband has invented the snowboard, the xbox and the laptop computer (and many more things....but these 3 have come up this past week). I know right? You are saying "are you serious?" Yeah that's what I said too. He is just so funny about the whole thing. Because he has these stories that totally make sense. I can never tell if my husband is really really good at making up things on the spot. And if this is true, then he needs to be writing short stories all the time and selling them to make us RICH! As seeing that his inventions of the snowboard, xbox, and laptop got us nothing! haha Then I think if he really did think of these things then why the bleep is he not thinking of something great now that he can sell so we can be RICH? Either way I see us making a lot of money!! All from my husbands brains!

This is what I really think......that he is really really good at coming up with stories on spot. You all have experencied this because of our wedding vows. He wrote down a little bit before the ceremony. But as you all saw he had no papers like I did! The final greatness that came from his mouth came right from his brain on the spot! See how smart he is? Which brings it back to that he could have really invented these things.....you see my quander also!


((smiles)) Okay I have been feeling really sick today and I almost tossed my cookies for having laughed so hard at Noni's Blog. Yes I love to write and I love to make her laugh. I know I'm going to sap it up just a bit, but there is nothing more infectious than Noni's laugh. When she laughs I just want to hear her do it again. With all of this said I wrote a page of vows and decided to speak from my heart while in front of you guys at the wedding. I think she understands that but I almost feel like I have to say that, though my words were changed last minute.....I cant tell you how much I meant every word of them.

Finally about this invention stuff. Yes I have come up with many things in my life and Noni has the distinct position of being able to hear them. I also invented the following:

Modern Cell Phone
The DVD
portable video camera
And Much Much More...
...and the car invented by Homer Simpson on the third season (2nd season 15th episode).

Oh and my mom would be upset if I didn’t tell you that she invented the "Snuggie"

I think we can change people with our words and tonight Noni did that for me. I cant tell you guys how sick I feel and I plan on going to see a doctor soon, But this was the best part of my week! Thank you Noni you always know how to make me smile!

My Wife / My Husband

How many of us wonder who would show up to our funeral? I know what your saying, "That’s so morbid" but keep reading. I am the kind of person that has to know things that just pop into my head. I bombard Noni with questions like:
-When did you know I was the one?
-Did I ever say anything that let you know?
-Where were you when you knew?
-Did you ever have these feelings for someone else?
Okay so I know for most women you would hate having to answer these questions once but I'm the kind of person that at least brings it up 4 times a year. But it is what it is and I'm that guy. I'm the kind of guy who sees himself as a quiet romantic. Okay so all the guys who read this don’t stop just bare with me. I guess it was about an hour ago when I talked to Noni on the phone and it hit me..."I can’t wait for my wife to come home!" When I'm most stressed all I want is her to be near me. It’s almost like her presence calms me. I love her to death and though it’s odd I think you have to say things like "I love you." So here it goes: Noni I can’t tell you how wonderful my life is with you in it. I can’t imagine tomorrow without knowing that you’re with me today. Your laugh makes me smile and your touch reminds me how much I'm loved. I am proud and happy that we made the decision to be married and want you to know that though it may be inevitable I will work everyday to make sure you know that I don’t take you for granted. I love you Noni.

Oh so I wanted to leave you with a parting thought and found this song...

WAIT WAIT! Christie I hope you know how much I love you! This was just a joke for the readers but here is the song that tells you much you mean to me....
and this is what she wrote...

Okay so I think that this is when I'm the "man" of the relationship. When he asks me those questions I'm like wtf? Where did that come from? Why is he asking me this? Isn't he just happy the way it is? Does he have to have these "talks" all the time? haha total man response!! But then I start to think about how sweet that really is. That he loves me so much and he wants to know why and when I decided he was so wonderful and just the perfect person for me to spend forever with.

My days at work are so hard and stressful and he is the best thing I could ever imagine coming home to. Such a sweet boy who always supports me when I cry and act like a total girl when I get upset about things at work that are stupid.

Isn't it funny that in one moment I can be the "man" but in the next moment I can be the stupid girl that is crying because I took CAPS LOCK in a email too harshly...haha

Random

So the other day after school I was talking with the art teacher and we were trying to plan a pep rally for the kids before the test. We are talking about this while there are high school kids in the room making the yearbook. Okay so we are talking about the pep rally and then in the middle of it I ask her about her finger nail polish, and show her my purple toe nail polish. She says it's pretty, tells me she needs to take her polish off her fingers, and then we go right back to talking about the pep rally. So then a kid stops us, and says "What?" We had no idea and looked at him. He was like how do woman do that. You were talking about a pep rally and then fingernail polish? How did you get there? She looked at me, and then back at him and said "We are done talking about that, and we have already moved on...keep up!" haha Boys just have no clue how girls talk. I really enjoy sitting with my girl friends and being random. I love how conversations can take an extreme random turn and then come back to point very quickly. Ahhh...the greatness of being a random girl.....

So just before commenting on this post I asked Natalie if I could talk about Batman instead of commenting on this blog. She laughed and with no hesitance straightened her hair, scratched her nose, and began watching Jim Henson’s Jack and the Beanstalk. We then spent 2 minutes on how to spell "stalk" as opposed to "stock." Internally laughing that she had the right answer on the whole "stalk" issue she leans back on our cushy couch and literally couldn’t tell me what she was talking about seconds prior. So I say to this student of Natalie’s Class "learn now my dear boy because this randomness you have teaching you is your wonderful future." I love Natalie’s randomness but there are literally times when I ask her a question she looks at me, to basically acknowledge the fact that I made a sound but I am not fooled into believing that she has any earthly clue as to what I just said. None the less this randomness is the wonderful life of Natalie and I. Oddly enough I combat this odd nature of hers by asking even more odd questions when she's not listening much like this. "Noni, your dad just called a few minutes ago," this is the point where the glances at me and goes one with what she's doing. I then ask..."I just bleached all of your color clothes and used to much laundry detergent" at which time she might literally say "yeah you always use to much detergent." This is my life people and I love it!

To note on what David said...I don't get most of it...haha-

Welcome Everyone...

September 27, 2008 was possibly the single most important day of my life, so far. The day was shared with family, friends, and loved ones. I can only speak for myself but sharing my words and thoughts with everyone that day was little more than exhilarating. It seems that this day in age information and communication is literally at the tips of our fingers. And lets face it I have never been one to turn down attention. Though, yes, my nature is pure, simple and silent this not what I'm like once the flood gates open. There is still so much I have inside that I want to share with all that are willing to take a break from your busy day to relax, and read. Nat and I are not so diluted to believe that everyone has this burning curiosity as to what’s going on in our home. But being that it is our first year of marriage we thought this is a great way to document what’s going on in our lives and minds. Though blogs are so easy to be taken to seriously we are hoping that this one is just a bit different. So here is how it works. I will write a passage in this blog and when Nat gets an extra moment she will write her response to what I wrote and vise versa. This blog is completely a way for family and friends to participate in the conversations we have on a daily basis.